Our Present Life

The instant buzz and traffic of the nurses in the NICU indicates another visitor will soon be arriving through the nearby doors of the operating room.  Oliver is small and fragile, but he senses it just as quickly as we do.  Yellow smocks and white masks are in place, a bed is prepped for the temporary guest, and within minutes, the room becomes silent, as a child begins his first breaths of life just a few feet from where we sit.  Occasionally the newborn lets out a cry, and more often than not, Oliver responds with one of his own, somehow recognizing the urgency in the air.

The approaching minutes are met with a murmur of voices at bedside in conjunction with a scurry of bodies around, which usually only last a short while, until the young child becomes stable.  A brief amount of time passes before Dad makes his appearance in the NICU, sometimes alone or in most cases with grandparents.  They are all smiles, overjoyed at the sight of new life, and thrilled with the knowledge that all is well with their child.  The cameras come out, flashes go off, and excited voices penetrate the once silent space we call home.  This ceremonious routine comes to a close as quickly as it started, and once again the room is hushed, void of its transient disturbances.

Within the next hour the passing guest departs, and the three of us rest alone once again.  We remain relaxed and undisturbed in our customary stillness; all the while knowing it will be broken again at some unknown but imminent time.  This is a scene we have witnessed on over a dozen occasions in the last 48 hours.  Each occurrence sends me into a spiral of emotion and thought.  I perceive before my eyes a notion of normality; something that right now, I have trouble accepting exists. 

These moments serve as blunt reminders of a world that exists, and will continue to exist, outside the NICU.  This knowledge surrounds me and within minutes, I feel trapped.  Without care or concern, life zealously infiltrates my seemingly protected bubble, and then without haste, it disappears back to the hole it crawled out of.