Tuesday, July 17, 2012

What If


I can’t stop from asking myself the ever-present question, not really pertinent to here and now, but nevertheless always looming over me like a heavy raincloud…  “What if ?”  I toil with this mentally straining question each and every day I am here. 

Even though I am constantly working on “being present”, as my wife so perfectly puts it, with so much time spent at his bedside just sitting and watching Oliver sleep, it is difficult for me not to allow my thoughts to wander.  As I stare through the clear plastic sides of his protective isolet, this unfounded meandering of the mind often takes me to dark and indistinct places.  I shake myself out of a hostile trance, only to drift slowly in that direction again.  The mind, in all its faculty and brilliance, is a challenging mechanism to defeat.

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