I can’t stop from asking myself the ever-present question,
not really pertinent to here and now, but nevertheless always looming over me like a
heavy raincloud… “What if ?” I toil with this mentally straining question
each and every day I am here.
Even though I am constantly working on “being present”, as my
wife so perfectly puts it, with so much time spent at his bedside just sitting
and watching Oliver sleep, it is difficult for me not to allow my thoughts to
wander. As I stare through the clear plastic
sides of his protective isolet, this unfounded meandering of the mind often
takes me to dark and indistinct places.
I shake myself out of a hostile trance, only to drift slowly in that
direction again. The mind, in all its
faculty and brilliance, is a challenging mechanism to defeat.
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