Parenting and Perspective

Parenting, a concept that many believe we have all figured out, even though we haven’t yet been awarded life’s blessing of children.  We develop our philosophy on the subject of parenting from years and years of life experience, only to find out one day, when we are instantaneously placed into the role of a mother or father, even though it seemed so clear before, we had all long been missing one crucial ingredient.

I used to think I was quite the expert on the subject of parenting.  After all, I do have a set of exemplary role models who make it seem easy, and even though they have their idiosyncrasies, I felt like I would able to identify theses nuances and modify them for my own purposes if ever given the opportunity to do so.  Furthermore, aside from my own parental figures, I, like many of us, have been awarded the chance to watch the plethora of child-rearing strategies at play each day.  These opportunities take place constantly, everywhere we go.  Amongst the many incidences to witness parenting are family gatherings, trips to the supermarket, and interactions at the school where I am employed. 

I can’t imagine I am alone in the knowledge that throughout my life, I have watched many parent-child exchanges, only to walk away thinking to myself, “When I am a parent, I will never…”   Or the equally as embarrassing times when I have spoken the words to another, “I can’t believe that parent is letting their child…”   Throughout these experiences, I was able to develop an idea and plan for the type of parent I would become.  I thought I had it all figured out, and it seemed so straightforward. 

What I have come to find out, during these last few weeks of reflection, is that these momentary thoughts and incidences where I have passed judgment on another human being, don’t speak very highly of me, nor of my ability to see much from the perspective of another.  I’m not saying my thoughts were ever malicious or cruel, just that I was unjust and blind to the reality of the situation.  While I attempted to place myself in the shoes of another, it was impossible.  I didn’t have the whole picture.  Their situation was not for me to critique.

I feel that even though my journey has just begun, I am beginning to become more aware now, that parenting isn’t as direct and up-front as I once thought.  I used to scoff at parents, even my own, about how constantly they worried about their children.  I didn’t understand the need for parents to always have to be around their kids... the time.  But those notions came from the viewpoint of a child, not of a parent.  I think I am a bit closer to realizing it now.

Now, worry consumes me every moment of every day.  I can’t be away from this hospital for even a moment before I want to go back.  All of those feelings I never really acknowledged or valued before have rooted within me stronger than I ever would have imagined possible.  I would like to say that my days of judgment are through, but we all know that people don’t change that drastically overnight.  What I can do now though, is appreciate what I do have, as well treasure my new found perspective.